Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Oh Sh*t

It seems that Jillian is a parrot these days.

And it seems that her mommy has a potty mouth.

Oops. Apparently we are entering the phase where we must watch what we say around little ears and wait until after bedtime to catch certain shows or movies. I'm hoping she forgets her new found phrase soon. We'll see about that...

Sleep Deprivation and Me

I have never been one to handle sleep deprivation well. I become cranky. I drink a lot of caffeine. Probably unsafe levels. I eat a lot of cookies. And I make very little sense. So good luck following this post.

You see I have always placed high value on my sleep. In college, when other students who crammed all night before an exam, I'd go to bed early even if I hadn't finished my preparations. As an adult I have never been a night owl and usually had to drag Jeramy away from parties so I could get some sleep. As a parent, I have always made it a priority to get my kids on a bedtime routine so that I could go to bed at a reasonable hour. (Well and I guess to help instill good sleeping habits in my children...it's not always about me).

So when illness strikes like this past week and I only get a few hours of sleep each night for a week...well...I feel like I morph into some kind of psychopathic bitch. My sole life's purpose becomes finding a way to someway, somehow increase hours of sleep. Preferably consecutive hours.

Sometimes I really feel like I'm alone in this. That if I were a perfect mom, sleep would be unnecessary. I despise reading Facebook posts of new moms that go like this:

"It's so amazing how little sleep I can function on and still be a super, fantabulous mommy. Who needs sleep when I have this darling munchkin in my life!"

In my assessment, these moms are either:

A: Infinitely superior to me

B: Superheroes with the ability to function with no sleep

C: Lying to themselves in hopes that if they say it, it's true

D: Trying to live up to the unattainable perfect mom persona

For the record...I really hate D.

I mean can't we just be honest sometimes? Losing sleep sucks. Changing diaper blow outs sucks. Taking care of sick children sucks. Diffusing a new temper tantrum every 30 minutes sucks. Having your hair pulled by a 10 month old with the strength of Superman sucks.

So when I'm tired and hear other moms drone on and on about their amazing lives, I get cranky. I guess that there are just times that I look around and feel like all I see are perfect moms on FB...perfect moms on blogs...perfect moms on message boards. You know the ones. Skinny. Glowing complexions. Fashionable. With beautifully dressed well-behaved children. Their lives captured in pristine photographs. No worries about money. Whip up gourmet meals every night. Have perfect relationships with their gorgeous and appreciative husbands. Amazingly talented. And always well rested on just one hour of sleep.

*sigh*

It's times like these that I remember that I'm am just not one of those moms. I can't do it all. And right now all I can really manage to do is work on getting these sick kids better and squeeze in a couple hours of sleep. Perfection, it seems, will have to wait.

10 Months Old

Hayden turned 10 months old yesterday. I can hardly believe it but first birthday planning has already descended upon us! We didn't do much celebrating over the weekend however. She is still as cute and cuddly as ever, but also impossible to hold at times. She scratches, pinches and pulls hair. Then she flails around like she wants down. But you put her down and she cries. Plus anytime she is in your lap, Jillian wants to be there as well. So then Hayden proceeds to pull her sister's hair, which is also not much appreciated. How do you explain to a 2 year old that the baby doesn't know better? Ugh.

Oh and remember a couple weeks ago when we had the stomach flu, and I bragged about how my kids never get sick? It turns our that karma is a bitch. I really should have known better. Last week Jillian began coughing. Then a fever was added into the mix. While Jillian's fever (but not her cough) subsided over the weekend, Hayden started coughing. Now I have two coughing babies and four nights of very little sleep. No amount of caffeine, it seems, can overcome the effects of sleeping in the recliner with a restless baby, which is what I resorted to after waking up ever 30 minutes to comfort Hayden. Her cries have become hoarse, which is perhaps the most pathetic sound in the world.

I am now just clinging to the hope that some time these girls will finally start feeling better and that I'll get some sleep. And that I won't get sick too.

The Joys of a SAHD

Have you ever left your husband alone with your kids? Do you want to know what happens when you do that day after day? Well it leads to decisions like this on how to dress your 2 year old when Snowpocalypse hits Seattle (aka a couple inches of snow).

Of course Jeramy defending himself well by pointing out that it was Jillian and not him that chose the outfit. And at least she thought to put on a hat.

This and That

I enjoyed a long weekend for President's Day. On Friday, I got a day off from everything which I spent shopping and having lunch with a friend and then doing some more shopping. Of course much of my shopping time was spent at kids clothing stores buying stuff for the girls. Shopping for cute toddler clothes is downright addictive. Even when I need stuff for myself, I can't help but be drawn in to these places.

On Saturday, Jillian started a parent and tot gymnastics class. If you've read my blog for any length of time then you know exactly how much this is right up her alley. Let's just say that she loved it. I'm pretty sure she didn't stop running the entire class, and watching her with the other kids reinforced exactly how energetic she really is even for a two year old. The hard part was getting her to slow down for the circle times and sing songs with the group...it was glaringly obvious that she is not used to being in any sort of instructional type setting. She's only two, so no big deal. But I think this will be a good thing for her for that reason as well.

Overall it was a fun weekend. I can't really say relaxing...because well that word doesn't really exist in my vocabulary for the time being.

And here are a couple of the latest pictures of the girls. And yes in response to everybody's comments on recent pictures, these two are looking more and more alike.

Cousins

Just prior to everybody getting sick, my sister and I managed to get a picture of all three girls together in their cousin's t-shirts. Have you ever seen a cuter group of girls? Jillian was sooooo excited about getting to hold Lily. It is amazing how much of a difference nine months makes. Prior to Hayden's arrival she was oblivious to my pregnancy and once she was here Jillian did not seem to notice very much other than adding the word "baby" to her vocabulary. Now at nearly two and a half years old, she is enthralled with babies. She loves to watch them and hold them. Part of it is probably having had a baby sister for some time now, and part of it is probably just an increased level of awareness. She spends much of her play time now putting all her stuffed animals to sleep...an obvious reflection on how Jeramy and I spend our days trying to get her and her sister to sleep I suppose!

P.S. Between my house and my sister's, little Lily was the only one who didn't get the stomach flu!

Sick :(

We are rarely sick at my house (knocking on wood as I type this). Sure we get a cold or two each season but for the most part the kids and adults in our household seem to be rocking some pretty healthy immune systems. In the 2.5 years since Jillian had been born, neither of my children have had the stomach flu. But that all came to an end this past Monday...

My sister and another friend came over for a play date Saturday morning. We had a fun time and all seemed well. Then on Sunday morning news came that Jaime and her boyfriend had been sick all night. Ugh. By Sunday night it all started at my house when Jillian threw up all over me while sitting on the couch watching TV. I had no idea so much could fit in such a small stomach. I also had no idea how long blueberries and raisins last in your digestive track.

Jillian and I spent the better part of the night together. And then when she seemed to be keeping fluids down again, Hayden started in. And then Jeramy and I weren't feeling so good. It was not pleasant. I so badly wanted to call somebody and have them come take care of all four of us. But then they would get sick too. So we were stuck. And miserable.

It was a lovely Valentine's Day.

By Tuesday we were starting to mend and considering solid foods an option again. I'm back at work today, but not quite 100%.

Being sick sucks. Being sick and having to care for other human beings sucks even harder.

Learning to Speak Jillian

Jillian's pronounciation leaves a little to be desired. Here was our conversation the other day:

Jillian holding toothbrush: "Butt cheeks".

Me: "Butt cheeks? Are you saying butt cheeks? Why are you talking about your butt?"

Jillian: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "Are you poopy? No. Why do you keep telling me butt cheeks???"

Jillian still holding toothbrush: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "What are you trying to say? Are you saying toothpaste?"

Jillian gleefully: "Butt cheeks!"

Me: "Oh you want toothpaste!" I gave her some kids toothpaste.

A few minutes later Jeramy walks in the room.

Me to Jillian: "Tell your daddy how you say toothpaste"

Jillian: "Butt cheeks!"

A Healthy Check-up

We took Hayden in for her 9 month appointment yesterday. Dr. M declared her a happy and healthy baby girl. The stats are:

Height: 27.5" (50th)

Weight: 21 lbs 10 oz (90th)

Head: 18.25" (95th)

So yeah she continues to be a bit on the chunky side but her rolls are crazy adorable. I'm sure her weight gain will slow down as she continues moving more and more. The poor baby seems to have taken a queue from me in the thighs department. She is a definite pear shape. When Jillian was 9 months, she was the same height but a mere 19 lbs...nearly 3 pounds less. Looking back at pictures she was also a lot more mobile. Hayden can do many of things Jillian was doing at the same age in terms of crawling, pulling up on things and climbing stairs but with much less proficiency. Hopefully Hayden will put off walking a couple more months than her sister as well. Jillian was practically running by her first birthday. I much prefer Hayden's low key style.

Whining About Whining

Jillian has hit a phase that cannot pass soon enough. Whining. Oh God does this girl have a talent for it. Plus she is persistent. The whining goes on and on and on, and on the really good days becomes an inconsolable temper tantrum. It increases before nap time and bed time, and a sign of a really horrible day is when it starts first thing in the morning. That was today. I was only too happy to ditch the husband and kids for work today. (But before you go feeling too sorry for Jeramy I should point out that the girls had overlapping naps today for two days in a row which never ever happens on a weekend!)

Now don't get me wrong. I love Jillian. The girl is fun and full of personality. I just hate the whining. I think that I could handle it better if there were some logic to it. Time outs now work well for bad behavior but they do nothing for whining. Jillian's communication skills make it worse too. You know she wants something in the kitchen so so so badly, but who knows what the heck it is. Trying to understand Jillian is like trying to understand Charlie Brown's mom. Jeramy is better at it than I am. I'll be standing with the refrigerator door open showing Jillian food options (and be met with no's and whining) and Jeramy will say she wants an apple.

It is also impossible to figure out what sets her whining off into full blown temper tantrums. For example, on Sunday I decided to wash a blanket from the living room (not on of her blankets but just an ordinary blanket). When she saw me put it in the washer she threw a fit. "Noooo Mama. Please mama noooo!!!". I tried explaining that the blanket was dirty, but rationalizing with a two year old is wasted energy. She screamed and she cried and she begged me to stop washing the blanket for a half hour. The only thing that alleviated the situation was serving macaroni and cheese for lunch.

The only thing we have figured out that does work for whining is tricking her into thinking that we gave her what she wants. For example when she kept dropping macaroni and cheese on the floor after the aforementioned tantrum, she'd cry that she wanted me to pick it up so she could eat it. As I don't trust my floors, I'd pretend to put it in her bowl but then stick it in her napkin. At bedtime she asks for more water than what is in the sippy cup in her bed (bad for potty training I know). Instead of giving her more water, which equals wetting through her diaper, I just go out and pretend to get her more. Dishonest, yes. Effective, yes.

I never said that I was above dishonesty.

9 Months

(this girl loves her doggie!)

Hayden has now been on the outside as long as she was on the inside. It is funny how little things seem to change on a daily basis. But then, when you look back over several months, you realize just how rapid a baby changes. This really hit home last weekend when we visited a friend and her newborn in the hospital. I swear I just blinked and Hayden went from a tiny fragile infant to a chubby, mobile baby.

Hayden continues to prove herself happy and adaptable. This past month has introduced some challenges in the sleep department. I attribute it to hitting big milestones like crawling and pulling herself up. She wakes herself up several times each night practicing crawling in her sleep or becoming restless and unable to calm herself back down. Usually re-inserting her pacifier does the trick, but sometimes she wants to be rocked back to sleep or even occasionally demands a bottle. The bad nights are when Jillian gets up several times and Hayden wakes up several times. The horrible nights are when Hayden's crying wakes Jillian up and I have two tired, crying children to deal with. Thankfully I can hand one off to Jeramy but really folks this is a major reason that I'm not considering a third child.

Naps are another issue. While Hayden doesn't usually get too cranky, she has been resisting naps these days. And when she does take them they are short. I remember with Jillian that this was a difficult age as they want to be awake and experiencing new things rather than sleeping. It also always seems like at least one child is awake at all times with Hayden usually taking two naps and Jillian taking one.

I must admit that I am feeling rather worn out these days. I think that I'm usually getting enough sleep in terms of hours, but with the constant interruptions I never wake up feeling truly rested. Plus there is the weather as winters in Seattle are gray and soggy. The days are short, and I go to work and return home in the dark. During the week it often feels like I'm either working, commuting, caring for children or cleaning and on the weekends its kids, cleaning and laundry all day long. I need to work on finding balance again in life, but as any mom knows that is not always easy. Plus I have had some other stresses piled on me in the past month that I think may be exaggerating my fatigue. It will all get easier some day, I know. I just have to find a way to make it all manageable now so that I can make enjoying my family a priority.

And really, with a baby like Hayden, there is so much to enjoy. I swear she is the baby that makes everybody else want to have babies. What a sweetheart.

They Actually Exist!!!

My days are pretty predictable: wake-up, get ready, work, make dinner, kids bath/bed routine, clean house, catch a couple minutes of TV and then bed. Weekends are wake-up, get ready, clean house, chase kids, clean house, chase kids, feed kids, nap time, clean house, chase kids, dinner, kids bath/bed routine, clean house, catch a couple minutes of TV and then bed. Wednesdays I get a couple of hours of Jen time (no DH or kids) but otherwise it is work/kids/husband 24/7. Frankly it gets a little exhausting. So when the Seattle area infertility bloggers get together rolled around Saturday night, I must admit that I was pretty damn excited. Sure meeting people who you call your "friends" but have never actually met is a little intimidating. But there would be no husband or kids. And there would be cheesecake.

I must say that we had a fantastic time. I am pretty sure that if there were no other constraints, we might still be chatting each other up right now. It is really an amazing experience to meet somebody whose blog you have read for so long that you feel like you already know them having gone through together the trials of infertility then pregnancy then newborns then toddlers then another pregnancy and then two raising children. What is even more amazing is to find out they are real people and their blogs really reflect them. I spent much of our conversation thinking they totally get me.

And yes, we even got a picture:

Clockwise from lower left Sunny, Ludicrous Mama, me, Katie. Our photographer would like to remain anonymous, but I can tell you she is totally sweet and about to be pregnant when her current first IVF cycle is completed (fingers crossed!!!)

Although I don't blog much about my infertility experience these days, it is still something that is very much a part of me. It was really great to get together with a group of women who have been there and understand that as well as encourage somebody in the midst of treatments. The word on the street is that this will be a get together of some frequency...so Seattle area folks stay tuned! And those outside of Seattle, well you may just want to think of moving here soon!

A New Doo

When we were about 2 and 4 my little sister and I gave each other hair cuts. We are told that Jaime did a pretty good job on my hair. I on the other hand destroyed hers.

Well...what goes around comes around it seems.

The other day, Jeramy's 4 year old niece decided that Jillian wanted shorter hair.


She gave her bangs. Very short bangs.


And I'm not quite sure what she was trying to do with the side.

An emergency trip to the hairdresser was in order when I got home from work. Not really wanting to chop everything off, I went with an reverse bob, which masks the damage to the side somewhat. The front...well...we just have to wait for it to grow out I guess.

Entering 2011 with Perspective

So yeah...I haven't been the greatest blogger lately. The holidays really got the better of me. I had grand ideas of doing it all: baking cookies, mounds of presents for the girls, a sparkling clean house, hosting guests with flair and style. What I ended up with was gaining 5 pounds from eating cookie dough, ridiculous amounts of toy packaging garbage, toys flung across the entire house and hosting guests in my pajamas. Perhaps I need to be more realistic about what is really achievable.

I had a week off between Christmas and New Years which I planned to spend contemplating lofty goals for 2011. Instead, I was reminded that despite all my planning, there are truly very few aspects of life that are in my control. Hmmm...despite the best laid plans...doesn't that sound familiar. It seems that the only thing I can control in life is how I respond to situations or people. So for this year, I'm just going to focus on being the best me that I can be. And that doesn't involve long lists of resolutions or beating myself up when I inevitably fall sort. It just involves taking every day step by step and trying to remember to make the best of every moment.

In other news:

• Hayden is an official crawler. Jeramy convinced her to do it by placing Gerber puffs in front of her. She is quite food motivated you see. She began as the Frankenstein of crawling, but is becoming more agile every day. Last week she even pulled herself up on the living room ottoman. My husband thinks this is all wonderful. I think it would have been find to let the whole mobility thing wait until the age of 18 or so.
• Related to this, my floors are impossibly dirty.
  
• Related to this, it is very hard to keep small objects out of the hands of an 8 month old when a two year old also lives in your home.
  
• Jeramy is still home with the girls. He hopes this may change one day soon with the promise of some work on the horizon. Unfortunately it is work that is an hour away at half the pay. Despite this he seems to be looking forward to this prospect, as it seems that life as a SAHD isn't exactly full of bon bons and naps.
• I celebrated my 33rd birthday by hiring a maid service to come clean my house. Best gift ever.
  
• Jillian is quite the talkative little girl these days. I only understand about 3% of what she says, but that increases to 6% when Jeramy interprets for her.
  
• I'm finding that 2 is an easier age in terms of discipline. She actually gets the concept of time out, will stand in the corner by herself (usually) and the poor behavior usually stops afterward (for maybe 5 minutes).
• I'm finding that 2 sucks in terms of whining over everything. She wants to sit in my lap for dinner. Sissy is playing with her toy. Best of all are the situations where I cannot figure out what she is unhappy about.
  
• I'm becoming a very proficient with coupons in my efforts to save money given Jeramy's job situation.
  
• I'm really looking forward to the Seattle area IF blogger get together on Saturday!

I really have missed blogging and connecting with others. So in 2011 I really hope to get back into the writing routine. Oh wait, that sounds like a resolution, and I'm not going to make those.