Surprise Photos

I love finding surprise photos on my camera. I downloaded pics from my camera card this evening and found this beauty. I have no idea who took it (probably Jeramy or my MIL...maybe one of them will tell me) and when this happened. But apparently Jillian likes jam!

2nd Trimester

Today I am 13 weeks 3 days pregnant. 1/3 of the way to having another baby. Entering my 2nd trimester. SECOND trimester. Crazy, I know!

I have had a very easy first trimester as you know. No morning sickness. The sciatica is gone. I've been tired for sure, and Jillian's bedtime is often my bedtime. Of course the last time around, fatigue was much easier to handle because I could just fall asleep whenever I wanted without worrying that some little being living in my house would jump off the couch or unravel an entire roll of toilet paper.

We had the nuchal translucency scan on Monday. I got quite nervous after they measured the nuchal fold at 2.0mm, because that was higher than I remembered with Jillian. However they reassured me that it was fine, and because I didn't believe them I later confirmed with Dr. Google that this is the case. Phew! Now I just have to wait for the blood work.

Of course the real reason we even did this screen to begin with was to get a peek at the baby who was moving around quite a bit and making things tough for the technician. She got all sorts of good pictures of their profile, feet, etc. But for some reason, this is the one they printed out this one:
I think we're going to nickname this baby, the blob. I think the blob on the right is the head and the blob on the left is the body but I can't be sure. When the gal handed me this, I was sort of dumbfounded but lacked the energy to complain. Whatever. At least the blob is measuring ahead at 13 w 5 d (and this was a couple days ago). And the heartbeat was a nice 162bpm.

Thanks for all the advice on Jillian in my last post. My aunt was actually the first to suggest Roseola on facebook. The fever didn't seem to last long enough to be a textbook case, but everything else seems to match. Regardless, the rash has been gradually going away and hopefully it will be all cleared up by Halloween.

Poor Baby

On Thursday, Jilliam started running a fever. Oh great, I thought to myself. With Jeramy gone, a sick baby was the last thing I wanted. Especially being pregnant with H1N1 going around. Well thankfully the fever was short lived and broke within 24 hours. However when I picked her up from my mother-in-law's, she had developed a rash. By Saturday morning she looked like puberty hit a decade early. It's not a good look, but she doesn't seem to mind.

The rash is worst on her face and in the diaper region, but she has these lovely red spots all over. I took her to the urgent care clinic, where the doctor was not particularly helpful. It could be something viral in which case it will likely pass in a few days, or it could be an allergic reaction so he has me giving her benadryl. So far the benadryl has not touch the rash, and it leaves me with a tired and grumpy Jillian (note to self, a drowsiness side effect doesn't always equal sleep). Luckily Jeramy surprised me by coming home Saturday night rather than Sunday, so he is here to listen to her cries and tantrums too.

While I was in DC a CD with Jillian's one-year pictures arrived. They turned out so great! If you live in the Seattle area, I highly recommend Keren Fenton who I found on a local message board for mom's. Here photography blog is here.

A Heartbeat

Yesterday was my twelve week appointment, and I was pretty nervous beforehand since it was the big heartbeat appointment. As Jeramy is off hunting in Eastern Washington this week I had to go alone, and I wasn't quite prepared to get bad news. I hate that moment when the OB is fishing around with the doppler trying to find that faint sound. After what felt like an eternity but was probably only a minute I got my relief. A solid 160 bpm. Phew!

Monday is the quad screen (or whatever the call it), and I'm pretty excited to get a peak. With Jillian I really loved that ultrasound because she actually looked like a baby as she wiggled all around. Jeramy will be back by then, and I know he is looking forward to it as he was pretty disappointed to miss my last appointment.

I must admit that I'm still in complete disbelief over being pregnant. It just seems so surreal dispite the confirmation of medical professionals over and over again that I am indeed with child. And it isn't just the lack of symptoms either. I am just really having difficulty grasping that we're going to be a family of four this spring. I've come up with several theories about this of course. Perhaps it's this whole "spontaneous" pregnancy thing that has caught me off guard. Or maybe it is that I'm so busy chasing after child #1 that I don't have as much time to ponder the wonders of being pregnant. Or perhaps it is because my last memories of being pregnant not so long ago involved being quite enormous and getting kicked by a rather active little girl. Who knows. But regardless of my disbelief, this is a blessing that I am more than happy to accept.

And every now and then throughout the day it hits me...holy crap, I'm pregnant!

Jillian Goes to Washington

Taking a one year old by yourself on a plane across the entire country should be considered a special form of torture. I would know as Jillian and I got back from my business trip to Washington, DC last night. A few months ago, my MIL and I decided it would be fun if she and Jillian tagged along on my trip to see the sights since Jeramy would be out of town hunting. The one problem was that my MIL would have to be on a different airline where I had a free flight, and I would need to bring Jillian with me as a lap child. As the little Miss began walking, I started to dread the trip envisioning a screaming toddler screaming in my lap and wanting to run around in the middle of a full plane.

It turns out that the trip would be complete chaos at times, but not for the reasons I suspected.

Getting through security was of course a circus, and trying to get on the plane with a toddler, car seat, diaper bag, and laptop back was challenging. However, the plane ride went rather well. Since neither plane was full as I had feared, I was able to get a seat for Jillian and bring her car seat. She is always much more cooperative in a car seat. Both ways she fell asleep so quickly upon take off that I'm starting to consider plane rides as a solution for those sleepless nights. After a couple hour nap she'd wake up and play happily for a little while. About 4 hours in she'd start to get restless, so I stuck her in my hip carrier and we'd hang out at the back of the plane. Apparently watching flight attendants set up drink carts is completely enthralling. Then it would be time for a cookie. Soon after we'd begin descent and the five - six hours of trying to find ways to constantly entertain a 12 month old were finally over.

When I arrived in DC, I was feeling rather good about the whole experience. When I learned that my checked bag did not arrive due to a flood in the basement of Sea-Tac airport I was less thrilled. I had packed my carry on bags light since I would be by myself, so I had little for myself and Jillian besides the clothes on our back, a few diapers, and a bit of formula. My bag wouldn't get there for another 36 hours, so at 11:30pm at night I was at the drug store down the street from the hotel stocking up on baby essentials. The next morning, instead of seeing the sights, I had to catch a Taxi to a local mall in order to pick up clothes for Jillian and myself since I couldn't very well wear jeans to the conference starting that afternoon.

And that wouldn't have been so bad, but I got about three hours of sleep on the night we arrived. You see some kids next door decided that it would be a whole lot of fun to throw a party in their room. Considering that my work was footing a bill of $300 a night at the Ritz Carlton, I was not so thrilled about that. I called the front desk at 1am who came up, and they shut off the music. However I could still hear shouting. I went next door and asked them to quiet down twice explaining the sleeping one year old in my room. Apparently I was not persuasive (aka bitchy) enough. So at 2:30am I marched down to the front desk where management was not very happy to hear about the continued disruption of my sleep. After threatening to kick them out, the punk kids (don't I sound old?) finally got the hint. And I got my room free of charge for the night...so I guess my employer can thank me for the savings.

And just when I thought my problems were over, I discovered my debit card was missing and had to cancel it. Thank goodness nobody had charged anything on it inappropriately.

But wait, there is more. When I opened my suitcase this morning I discovered that an entire can of formula exploded over the contents. It is a big white powdery mess. I'm still trying to get that little mess cleaned up.

I know the trip probably sounds like hell, but really it wasn't all bad. My MIL and Jillian had a great time playing, and the conference I attended was excellent. It is admittedly nice to be back home though.

Now if only Jeramy would hurry back from hunting because this single parenthood business is for the birds. He'll probably be gone until Sunday afternoon though.

1 Year Appointment and Stuff

Right after Jillian was born, I clearly recall the fear that consumed me at the prospect of taking her to the doctor (or anywhere in public for that matter). Mostly my fear revolved around whether she would cry the entire time, as she seemed to cry 20 out of 24 hours every day. Now I know that taking a newborn to the doctor is nothing compared to a one year old bursting with energy and destruction. In the past she has liked doctor visits because that meant attention which she is all about. However stranger anxiety has since set in making the whole experience so much more fun.

Jeramy had taken her to the appointment, and I arrived just after it began (thankfully after the 30 minute stay in the waiting room). When I found her she was crying quite pathetically on the scale. We then took her back to the waiting room where she proceeded to tear up the tissue sheet on the exam table piece by piece while screaming (her happy scream) as loud as possible. We tried letting her wander around, but those draws and cabinets proved far to interesting to let her stay on the ground for long. Then it came time for Dr. M's exam, which led to the unhappy screaming and was mostly performed while she was clinging to me. He deemed her a precocious child and warned us that toddler temper tantrums would develop early with this one (ummmm we noticed).

As usually she is perfectly average except for that head:
Weight: 21 lbs 5 oz
Height: 29 inches
Head circ: 19.25 inches

In other news, great advances have been made related to talking. In addition to yay, yeah, dog "dah", daddy "dada" and touchdown "tuh duh" she is finally saying something that sounds something like mama! Finally!

On the pregnancy front, 1st trimester has happily been symptom free until now. First, I've developed the itchiest boobs on the planet. Just like with Jillian I never have gotten sore boobs, just super itchy ones. Do you know of an appropriate way to itch your chest in public? I don't. It also seems that I'm developing some sciatica. It seems a bit soon for that given that this baby is about the size of a grape, but for the past few days I've had this horrible shooting pain in my lower left back/butt. It hurts like hell, and of course there isn't much I can do about it. *sigh* At least I'm not spending first tri puking my brains out. Nancy asked if I've began showing yet. No, but I'm curious to see when I'll start showing this time around. In my favor would be having two pregnancies so close together as ladies always seem to show earlier with the 2nd. Going against me is that I quite a bit of tummy leftover from being pregnant with Jillian. However, if people want to pretend that my tummy fat is a baby bump, I am not about to argue!

Pumpkin Patch

We took Jillian on her first trip to the pumpkin patch today. I'm not sure who had more fun...her or her daddy! You can probably see why she is such a Daddy's girl. I don't know what I'm going to do with her when Jeramy goes hunting in another week.

Stepping Back a Couple Months

I think that I went on the pill for the total of one month after my post-partum visit. After not taking birth control for two years, I had forgotten what a royal pain in the ass it was to remember to take a pill every single day. After making this complaint to Jeramy we decided to toss the pills. After all the worst case scenario was that I would get pregnant (which seemed laughable), and we would both be happy with what he termed a "freebie".

Over the spring and summer I noticed my period were a bit closer together than normal. Odd, but I didn't think much of it. In early August, I noticed some EWCM which is not uncommon for me and could or could not signal ovulation. My thought process around it was recorded in an email conversation with Sunny shortly afterwards when extending my congrats on her successful IUI:

"I had some EWCM the other day and thought should I have sex tonight? Maybe I'll get pregnant. Is that good or bad? Right now, I'm just trying not to think about it either way and just let what happens, happen. Of course that's not so easy. Two weeks from now if I don't get any more EWCM (I get it throughout my follicular phase for some strange reason), I'll start wondering if I'm pregnant. Ugh. It might just be better not to know anything about fertility at all!"

On August 20th (about two weeks later) I felt a little odd driving home from work. Indeed there had been no more EWCM. So on a whim, I picked up a pregnancy test although I was 95% sure it would be negative (why I even gave myself a 5% chance I don't know). After I picked up Jillian, I went home and POAS. And let me tell you, it is a whole lot harder to POAS when there is a mobile 10 month old in the room who has no qualms about reaching for the stick or a cup of urine. I set the stick on the counter and went into the kitchen to feed Jillian some dinner. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to grab a different shirt. I glanced over at the test and clearly saw two line. I can't remember my first thought exactly, but it was something along the lines of "What the hell is that? Two lines means pregnant, and there is no way I can be pregnant. Holy crap I'm freakin' pregnant?" I grabbed the test, walked into the kitchen and just stared at Jillian. "We're in for it now kid!"

Don't get me wrong. I was happy. But I was also in shock and in disbelief. And freaking out about the prospect of two under two. I instantly started doing math on due dates. I called my sister. I called my husband who was fishing (and shocked the heck out of him). I had my mother in law come over to keep me company. I looked in the refrigerator for something to drink. All I could find was beer and energy drinks. I was not prepared for this. What do I even do next? A infertile girl calls her RE and gets a beta. What on earth does a person do when they get pregnant without the assistance of medical professionals???

I stayed home the next morning and tried to convince my OB to do a beta based on those irregular cycles I have. I wasn't even sure when my LMP was. They stalled waiting for the doctor's permission. When I was almost to work they agreed to do the beta. So of course I turned around and went to their office 30 minutes back towards home. I had them order it stat because it was Friday and there was no way I could wait until Monday for the results. It came back at 209 (I was 210 with Jillian at 14dpo). We did a repeat on Sunday. That came in at 709 (I was 670 with Jillian at 16dpo). They did an u/s a few days later and it showed a sac measuring about 4 weeks, 5 days. On September 14th they had me come in for an u/s. There was a heartbeat and a little spot measuring 7 weeks, 2 days. My due date was set at May 2nd.

In all honesty, I've been having a difficult time believing that I'm pregnant at all. Just like with Jillian I have had no morning sickness. I know...knocked up unexpectedly and no m/s...you most certainly hate me by now. Plus I've just had this feeling along that somehow karma is going to bite me in the ass. It has been tough to escape this unavoidable feeling that something is going to go wrong at some point because how on earth could it be this easy?

I withheld this information from my blog because readership is wider now than it used to be. My family and friends read this blog, and I couldn't very well spill the beans until I had told them (we let people know at Jillian's party). It has not been easy news to contain from you all to say the least.

I am excited. I am nervous. I am optimistic. I am pessimistic. I am waiting for this all to finally feel real. Right now I feel like I'm pretending to be pregnant despite the visits to the OB, bloodwork and ultrasounds. I'm an impostor. I feel guilty because it was so easy for me. I didn't have to face the battle of IF treatments a second time. And how is that even fair when there are couples out there who never reach success a first time? How did I get to be so lucky? And yet I'm also completely scared of the prospect of having another when Jillian is just 19 months old. I mean I feel like I was just pregnant for goodness sake.

So that's where I am now. I'm waiting for the reassurance of hearing the heartbeat on October 21st. I'm hoping to reach 2nd tri when maybe I can take a small breath of relaxation and start to think about what might just be ahead of me.

Happy 1st Birthday!

Thank you all for the congratulations on the last post. I'll share more very soon about what has been going on over the past several weeks. I will say that this new pregnancy was a surprise (although not prevented), and we are of course very excited about it. However, today is Jillian's first birthday and so I'd like to focus on her for this post.

For the past several days I've been thinking back to a year ago in my mind. A year ago it was my first day of maternity leave. A year ago I was waiting around anxiously for your arrival and now we're throwing a birthday party. A year ago I was having unbearable contractions that were getting me nowhere. A year ago we met our baby for the first time.

I remember bringing her home from the hospital. I was completely sleep deprived but couldn't sleep. My nerves were frazzled as the reality of the responsibility of parenthood weighed on me. I was somebody's mother. How on earth wouldn't I screw this up? The weeks of maternity leave seemed to stretch forever in front of me, and I wondered if I was capable of surviving it.

Those early days were tough. When I took her to the doctor regarding her constant crying, he assured me it was gas and that it would pass by the time she was 13 weeks old or so. When you have a 2 week old, 13 weeks old seems forever away. Finally by December the fussiness subsided, and smiles began to emerge. I was sleeping again somewhat regularly. And suddenly she became so much fun. Of course then she began moving and life became an adventure once again...

A year ago, I would have never dreamed that this is what my one year old would be like. Walking. Climbing. Copying everything we do from clapping to throwing two arms up in the air and saying touch down "tuh duh". Standing next to Cujo and begging for food as we eat dinner. Enjoying the loudest and most obnoxious toys. Snuggling. Laughing constantly.

Mommy and daddy love you Jillian. We hope your first birthday is just the first of many, many happy years to come.

7 Things You Don't Know About Me

Nancy nominated me for the "Kreativ Award", and I am of course very honored! So here is the deal...



Rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7-Leave a comment on each

Honestly, this is not going to be an easy one. I've lived a very tame life, so really if you don't know something about me it is probably because it is rather boring (and ironically not the least bit "Kreativ").

1. I am horrible at sports. Mostly because I'm afraid of flying objects which tend to be inherent in sports. My friend convinced me to play soccer for a couple years in middle school and it didn't work out so well because every time the ball came near me I freaked out and closed my eyes. Oh and I don't like to run. At all.

2. I swear that I have the weakest bladder on the planet. Pregnancy, laughing, drinking the smallest amount of fluids, sneezing...all signal danger for me. My motto is visit the bathroom frequently.

3. I'm book smart, but a complete idiot when it comes to anything requiring common sense.

4. I think Jeramy can't carry a tune. Jeramy thinks I can't carry a tune. The reality probably is that neither of us can carry a tune. The only person who seems to like our singing is Jillian who could listen to us sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" for hours.

5. I had the most horrible teeth on the planet until my early twenties when I got braces. And not only did the fix require braces but two jaw surgeries costing thousands of dollars (thank goodness for insurance). Having my jaw wired shut two summers in a row completely sucked, but the end result was well worth it.

6. In the stereotypical relationship it is the husband who is absent-minded and a poor listener. In our relationship, it is me. I just have so many thoughts running around in my head sometimes, that it is difficult for me to stop and focus on what people are telling me. Surpringly, it hasn't hurt me too bad in terms of career. It completely pisses my husband off though.

7. I am 10 weeks pregnant and due on May 2nd.
And well now it seems a bit anti-climatic to nominate other bloggers.

We Have Survived

We have survived the first birthday party. I even think that it went well. I must admit that I was nervous leading up to the even. I love having family and friends over, and we are certainly blessed to have a lot of them. But I always feel a bit inept as a hostess. There is so much to do between keeping everybody fed/hydrated, catching up with all the guests, giving tours of the house, singing happy birthday, serving cake and ice cream, opening presents... Thankfully Jeramy was there to pay attention to all the things I forgot like refilling the vegi and fruit trays and cleaning up the cake covered baby. Jillian, of course, made out like a bandit, and we discussed with friends the technique of hiding new toys and handing them out gradually.

I didn't get any pictures, but my friend Debi (best real estate agent ever) took tons of pictures for me without me even asking! And we did a 1 year photo shoot of Jillian at a nearby part on Saturday.

Yesterday night after the party, I asked Jeramy if my weekend could start now since we pretty much spent all of it preparing for the party. Then, as if to rub in the fatigue, Jillian woke every 30 minutes from 9:30pm - 12:30am. I think it was all the sugar and an upset belly. Jeramy handled all of those wake-ups since I had to work this morning, but I'm sure he is absolutely exhausted given that she decided to get up for good before 6am this morning. Poor guy.